Once again, it’s been a while since my last post. With the aim to write here more often, I’m going to talk about something from one of my little scraps of paper. You know, those scratchings of random thoughts that occur, well randomly. Not to give too much away I hope, but on this scrap is written, “Myth of Sisyphus.” And here’s me talking out loud.
Have you ever felt like you were trying too hard? That you were working too hard to try to make something happen? Force it it into being. Make it happen no matter how many stumbling blocks you come up against. You keep trying because it’s something you feel convinced that you want. Something you’re convinced is supposed to happen. It just hasn’t for some reason. A reason you peg as you simply haven’t tried hard enough. And if you keep on trying, you’ll get there, you’ll get it, whatever that elusive “it” may be.
Maybe it’s a relationship, a job, or some goal you’ve had so long you can’t even remember being without it. Maybe “it” is such a part of your plan that it doesn’t even enter your head you could be just fine without it. Better even. Maybe you don’t even entertain that possibility. Because you can’t. Because somehow forging ahead on the current path, hard as it is, seems easier than starting anew. At least you’re familiar with the current set of challenges. Or maybe you just don’t want to fail. You’ve worked this long and hard on it, wouldn’t it be a waste to give up on it now? Maybe success is just around the next corner, or the next trip up the mountain. Maybe you’re almost there. You’d be stupid to give up now. Wouldn’t you?
So what if in your quietest moments something feels a little off, in that deep part of yourself you don’t even want to acknowledge. Who wants to admit that the road you’ve chosen is not the one you want to stay on? Would that mean you were on the wrong road all along? How could you have missed all the signs to veer off? How could you have wasted whatever time has gone by on that road? But there’s another possibility too. Maybe what’s right for you has simply changed now. However you got here though, it wasn’t a waste. Maybe not the most time-efficient, but it did get you here. And it’s only from here that the question remains. Where now? What now?
Yes, if there were a rewind button maybe you would choose differently, and earlier, but whether it was good or bad, that time is history now. And all the dreaming of a do-over won’t get anything done. Other than stirring up regrets. And you know what? Maybe that plan you’re working on, that picture you have for yourself, maybe the reason it’s not working out, the reason you’re having to fight so darn hard against so many obstacles, isn’t anything about what you’re doing wrong. Maybe it’s more about what you are doing. Maybe you are just doing the wrong thing. Maybe that rock you’ve been pushing was never meant to go up that mountain. Maybe unlike Sisyphus, you can actually stop pushing. And you can pick up a different rock. And with this one, maybe you can get up the mountain with it, and enjoy the view.