I’ve always been really impressed by those who learn English as a second language, or third or fourth… There are just so many rules, many of them seemingly arbitrary. And as if that weren’t bad enough, there are countless exceptions to all those rules. I know other languages have their own issues, but let’s just say, I would never want to learn English as an adult. Growing up with it was bad enough. Don’t get me wrong, at times I also love all its quirks and craziness. Great for the humour mill and the funny bone.
I was sent a funny thing about the word ‘up’. Maybe it’ll cheer us all up after all my talk of plastic and the ocean clean-up. It’s up to us.
“This two-letter word in English has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that word is ‘UP.’ It is listed in the dictionary as an [adv], [prep], [adj], [n] or [v]. It’s easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP?
“At a meeting, why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP, and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report? We call UP our friends, brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver, warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and fix UP the old car.
“At other times this little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed UP is special.
“And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP.
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“We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night. We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP! To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look UP the word UP in the dictionary.. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4 of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions. If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don’t give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more.
“When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP . When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP. When it rains, it soaks UP the earth. When it does not rain for awhile, things dry UP. One could go on & on, but I’ll wrap it UP, for now ……..my time is UP !
“Oh….one more thing: What is the first thing you do in the morning & the last thing you do at night?
U
P!
Now I’ll shut UP.”
I think the most memorable skit I’ve seen, not to mention so illustrative of the absolute craziness of English, is a scene from I Love Lucy. Ricky Ricardo is trying to read a children’s book in preparation for the arrival of their child, and is faced with trying to pronounce one ‘ough’ word after another. Priceless. Amazing we ever know what anyone else is trying to say.
