Forget Jail, Forget Nursing Homes, Take a Cruise

The following joke/scenario thing reminds me of an earlier forward I wrote about which contrasted life in prison and a nursing home. It also brings to mind the old chestnut, “the truest words are spoken in jest.” Underneath so many of these little comedy bits are some pretty apt observations and commentaries.

Princess cruise shipHaving worked on cruise ships, I imagine I’ll always have a soft spot for them. It’s got to be one of the most relaxing ways to travel, if not the most relaxing if ship life is your cup of tea. I think the lady in the tale below has the right idea. I’ve heard of people who actually did live on cruise ships after literally giving up their land life. The crew on their new home became like family. And it was special for the crew as well to see a familiar passenger face, another friend. It provided another level of continuity when sailing about the oceans far away from home.

Of course the joking story below serves not only to highlight the wonders of cruise life, but how not like that the more expensive nursing home life can be. Even in jest it begs the question of why one’s likely last home has to be the way it so often seems to be. And the last line sure adds a final punch to the story. It’s certainly environmentally friendly. Cheers! Or should I say, Ship Ahoy!

Here’s A Plan

About 2 years ago my wife and I were on a cruise through the western Mediterranean aboard a Princess ship. At dinner we noticed an elderly lady sitting alone along the rail of the grand stairway in the main dining room. I also noticed that all the staff, ships officers, waiters, busboys, etc., all seemed very familiar with this lady. I asked our waiter who the lady was, expecting to be told she owned the line, but he said he only knew that she had been on board for the last four cruises, back to back.

As we left the dining room one evening I caught her eye and stopped to say hello. We chatted and I said, “I understand you’ve been on this ship for the last four cruises.” She replied, “Yes, that’s true.” I stated, “I don’t understand” and she replied, without a pause, “It’s cheaper than a nursing home.”

So, there will be no nursing home in my future. When I get old and feeble, I am going to get on a Princess Cruise Ship. The average cost for a nursing home is $200 per day. I have checked on reservations at Princess and I can get a long term discount and senior discount price of $135 per day. That leaves $65 a day for:

1. Gratuities which will only be $10 per day.

2. I will have as many as 10 meals a day if I can waddle to the restaurant, or I can have room service (which means I can have breakfast in bed every day of the week).

3. Princess has as many as three swimming pools, a workout room, free washers and dryers, and shows every night.

4. They have free toothpaste and razors, and free soap and shampoo.

5. They will even treat you like a customer, not a patient. An extra $5 worth of tips will have the entire staff scrambling to help you.
6. I will get to meet new people every 7 or 14 days.

7. T.V. broken? Light bulb need changing? Need to have the mattress replaced? No Problem! They will fix everything and apologize for your inconvenience.

8. Clean sheets and towels every day, and you don’t even have to ask for them.

9. If you fall in the nursing home and break a hip you are on Medicare; if you fall and break a hip on the Princess ship they will upgrade you to a suite for the rest of your life.

Now hold on for the best! Do you want to see South America, the Panama Canal, Tahiti, Australia, New Zealand, Asia, or name where you want to go? Princess will have a ship ready to go.. So don’t look for me in a nursing home, just call shore to ship.

P.S. And don’t forget, when you die, they just dump you over the side at no charge.

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